Greetings, updates, etc...

Lance Armstrong has reported that his bike has been recovered, and is in tact/good shape for his Friday time trial ride! Hooray!!

I was on a roll, writing at least every other day... but as usual, life caught up with me. Its always so hard to be one step ahead on life, haha.

So let me give it another shot....

I've been surrounded lately by reminders of time. I remember first starting my job, days after I had just attended my grandfather's funeral, and I was so angry with my coworkers watching the clock, complaining that five minutes, ten minutes, it was not fast enough.... too long, they said. They couldn't wait for that clock to tic to the right beat so they could be the first one out the door.

I sat there in my cube chair, boiling on the inside because they didn't get it... I would give up everything I had in the world, if I could only have five more minutes with him.... even 30 seconds.

Here lately, I've been seeing him a lot in my dreams.

Just a couple of nights ago, I was standing next to him at a gate/doorway... it wasn't really a gate, but it was definitely an entranceway. And I asked him if this was real, was he really here? He said yes.... but he had to go now. He started walking through the entranceway, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Please, just a little more time. I need to say I'm sorry..."

Why are you sorry? he said.

"Because I took you for granted. Because I didn't tell you I loved you enough. Because I didn't know that my days... minutes... seconds with you were numbered. Because I didn't get to say goodbye."

He kept trying to walk through that entrance way, but I just held onto him, crying, saying it over and over again.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

He finally looked me in the eyes and said it was okay. He didn't want me to be sad because he wasn't sad... and there was no such thing as sadness or tears where he was going. He said he vaguely remembered that emotion when he was alive, but where he was going now, it didn't exist because everyone was happy...

He said not to apologize, because there was nothing to apologize for. He said he knew I loved him because I told him everytime I did see him. He said I could talk to him any time I wanted if I had more to say...

And he said not to say goodbye. I would see him in just a matter of minutes because time, where he was now, is different.

"But I don't want you to go... I miss you, and I love you," I said to him, still holding onto his hand so he wouldn't leave me.

He said he loved me too, and that didn't change just because he was going somewhere else..

'I'm not going anywhere you can't follow,' he said. 'You'll see me in just a little while....'

Then he pointed to the inside of the entranceway and said, 'They're waiting for me.'

And there, all standing anxiously in a crowded line/group, as if they were waiting to get the first glimpse of a rockstar as he made his first public appearance, were all my family.... my aunt, my grandma, my great grandma, people that I somehow recognized as family even though I never met them because I hadn't been born yet...

All of my family that had passed away.

They were waiting there to greet him.

So I let go of his hand. He smiled his unforgettable gigantic smile at the sight of seeing them all, and he turned to look at me once more.

'We'll be waiting for you too, when you get here. A thousand years will pass on Earth before a day passes here, so I'll see you very soon'

I watched him walk through the entranceway, and I saw him greet everyone waiting for him. He was smiling, laughing, hugging people that he hadn't seen in so long...

And the dream ended.

The next day when I went to pick up mom from work, she brought me in and showed me a letter that was left behind at her job in the mailbox with no postage. For hours she kept reminding everyone that there was no postage, do we 'return to sender' or just put a company stamp on it?

At the end of the day, when the letter was still there, she decided to stop waiting for someone to do something about such a trivial thing - she'd just go to the stamp drawer and put one on herself.

The letter was addressed to him.

Not his 'actual' address, but someone with his very name, written in his handwriting.

Then as I grabbed the bible that night [one I got from the library actually - it looked cool. A 'chronological order' bible rather than a standard bible] to read before bed, I dropped it....

it opened up to Psalm 90, and this was highlited: So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom

I thought maybe it was another Godly reminder of time, reminding me not to take things for granted... I didn't immediately notice the non highlited portion in that same chapter...A thousand years in your sight are but as a day when it passes

It was just like Grandpa said in the dream.

I had some great meaning in telling you guys all of this... but it has suddenly faded from my mind. So instead here's some words of wisdom from 'George Lass' [aka Ellen Muth] from Dead Like Me - The Movie.

Everybody dies... but until you die, you still have a lot to do. Be adventurous, but not reckless. Fall in love [but not with some loser]. Stay in school, have a great career. Get married, have a lot of kids, come 90 years old and be a crazy old lady and scare the crap out of kids on halloween. Don't keep secrets.

When I was a little girl, I thought there was a clock in my heart that had these little hands... I wish someone had told me how easily those hands would be broken... how quick that clock would stop. I wouldn't have pretended I was invisible. I would have paid more attention to people... to time. I would have paid more attention to everything.

Don't fear tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after.... because the future is built on tomorrow. One day you may find yourself so far in the future that there's not enough tomorrow's left anymore.

Anyhow, on a lighter note, see that link I have over on the right that says "One Minute Writer"? I totally won the Writing of the Day! Yay!! Go check out what I wrote, or just go check out One Minute Writer and spend one minute everyday doing something productive - Writing! :)

With that being said, I'm outta here. I took the day off tomorrow so I need to sleep enough to be productive all day and get my last minute planning done without the aid of caffeine.

Okay maybe I can have some tazo green tea from starbucks.... mmmmmmmmmmm.....