D.A.R.E.

No post in a while......

I've been trying not to post until I get over my recent run in with stress, but I think perhaps writing about it will instead be a better method of combating the emotions.

So be warned... Here comes the anger....

Time stops when you take drugs.

I've never taken them myself. But I am unfortunately related to distant people who would rather be living in their parents basement, high and unsociable, than sober/clean and successful.

Perhaps this is a fortunate thing that I am related to such people.... for I have a constant shadow following me, reminding me to keep on the narrow straight pathway.

I don't think I'm a judgmental person in general... but I am extremely prejudiced against people who do drugs. It is an awful trait to have.... but I cannot see any other angle of the argument. Drugs kill people, and I refuse to see it any other way. I don't care if its a 90 year old dude who's smoking marijuana for 'its health benefits' or not.

I try very hard to not have any deadweight like anger inside. But it was absolutely infuriating when people I have seen in recent years ask me the same questions they asked me when they weren't taking the drugs.

Time stopped for them... and all they remember is their last few moments and the surroundings that no longer exist for them before they became high 24-7.

I was very ill for a long period of time, and my family was kept posted about my condition on a regular basis.

I've been well now for, thankyou God, almost 5 years.

The high people, however, still think I'm not well..... and for the past 5 years, they give me the same shocked "OMG" look as I retell the story of how I recovered. The same story I've told them over... and over... and over again.

They may not be physically dead, but their time has stopped. And when you stop moving... you no longer have a purpose...

And you die.

I don't know why I keep running into these people that I try so hard to stay away from.

Maybe its because I need to be reminded why I should fight to never become them.

Maybe its because I need to keep telling them the same thing over and over again...

Or maybe its because it was going to make me angry enough to rant about it here, so that someone out there living this kind of deteriorating wasteful life can see that no matter how much fun you think you're having, others like me have already written you out of their lives and labeled you as living 6 feet under.

Quit the junk. Start moving forward again. Its not impossible to change. It *is* impossible, however, to expect others to change your life for you. That change has to come from within.

So do it already.

Just a quick note to say...

Hello!

FYI -- if you're a fan of Pencil Things, the link has been updated!

Go get all of your pencil needs over at the new link: http://pencilthings.com/blog

That's it for now... :)

The layout has returned

Time to brighten things up around here...

The last post stayed up a little longer than what I had anticipated. Oops

Unexpected out of town affairs called, and I had to leave. I'm back and can put the happy layout back up now.

I had a lot of ranting and raving and whatever to say.... but I'm sleep deprived and actually kinda hungry... soooo.. adios!

Happy Birthday.... wish you were here....

"Necesitado me ecuentro senor
ayudame hoy
yo quiero saber lo que devo hacer
muestra el camino,que devo seguir
senor por mi bien
yo quiero vivir un dia a la vez

Un dia a la vez mi cristo
es lo que pido de ti
dame la fuerza para vivir un dia a la vez
ayer ya paso mi cristo
y manana quisas no vendra
ayudame hoy yo quiero vivir un dia a la vez

Tu ya viviste entre los hombres
tu sabes senor que hoy esta peor
es mucho dolor hay mucho egoismo
y mucha maldad
senor por mi bien yo quiero vivir un dia a la vez

Un dia a la vez mi cristo
es lo que pido de ti
dame la fuerza para vivir un dia a la vez
ayer ya paso mi cristo
y manana quisas no vendra
ayudame hoy yo quiero vivir un dia a la vez"

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: That

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: That - clarification by jentherose

See the actual prompt here: http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/2009/03/todays-writing-prompt-that.html

And get more One Minute Writer here: http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com

OMW

I think I should have specified in my comment for the One Minute Writer entry that I was joking.

I just saw Made of Honor.... couldn't help myself. LOL

Diet Update!

So as far as the crazy diet stuff I'd been trying, here's some of the stuff I've been doing... and it seems to be working!

1. Snacking. LOTS of it. Nothing big, of course. I've been buying lots of bananas - they're the cheapest form of fruit I know of, and I know I don't eat enough fruit as it is. Also, I've been keeping 100 calorie packs of daisy-go-rounds in my desk [not the most nutritious, but its the truth.] As far as the chocolate cravings go, I got a pack of dark chocolate individually wrapped squares... but the catch is this - the serving size! Four pieces = one serving, which = approx. 130 calories. Well I don't need to eat FOUR pieces, I just want something to saitisfy the craving for the day. I haven't done the math, but its a smaller calorie count if I'm just eating one piece.... and if I decide I want a second piece, its not a full serving. Check out those serving sizes people!!

[I find that by snacking, when it comes down to actual meal time, I eat very small portions, which is pretty much more snacking.... and its not quite eating every hour, but its eating at my own pace, I guess?]

2. Eat breakfast. EVERY DAY. Even if its not the 'best' or 'healthiest' breakfast out there. If I eat something moderate or even big in the morning, I eat a lot less during the rest of the day. And its not like I'm starving myself or depriving myself either... I just don't feel hungry at all.

3. Drink lots of water, especially before meals. Hey, they used to do it when we were fighting the world wars so we could send more food to the soldiers, why not do it now? It helps you to eat less. Also, drink green tea between meals. Its all-around good for ya, and it kind of has a bit of an appetite suppressor. And, sometimes you can mistake thirst for hunger, so if you start to feel hungry, drink up... you might surprise yourself and realize that you're just not drinking as much water as your body wants you to.

4. EXERCISE! TV is a great thing.... but its a terrible thing because it encourages you to sit idly and relax, but not completely because your mind is processing what's going on. You may as well be sleeping with your eyes open. This is something that I heard from one of the contestants on 'The Biggest Loser' - Don't say you don't have time to exercise if you have time to watch tv. So if you're going to watch TV, stand up. Do some squats. Lift some weights. Do situps. Learn some simple yoga stuff. Do some core exercises. Get an exercise bike or treadmill and plop it DIRECTLY IN FRONT of the TV, and make it a rule that you can't watch TV unless you're using one of those. Use exercise balls as chairs. You don't have weights? BS! Yes you do - you have cans of something whether it be food or soda, I'm sure. Bottles of water. Apples and oranges. A gallon of milk that can be filled with something once the milk runs out [water, sand, etc]. Weights don't have to be HEAVY, so don't be afraid to improvise.

If you're bored at the gym, assuming you're going to one, SERIOUSLY -- go get an mp3 player! They are soooo cheap! I just saw one for 30 bucks! 2 gigs of music for 30 bucks! Chances are that you wont even work out for the full length of however long 2 gigs of music will run, so who cares if it can only hold X amount of songs. If you really want to shell out big bucks though, get something with video capabilities, and put some tv shows on there. It really changes the entire atmosphere up if you're on a treadmill and you've got a video player propped up in front of you, and you're laughing at something or watching a concert and focusing on something other than the burning and the sweating.

5. Brush your teeth. OFTEN. As gross as this sounds, sudden hunger cravings come 'out of the blue' because you sometimes have a piece of food lodged that finds its way to your stomach after a meal... and confuses you into thinking you want more food when really, you just had some not too long ago.

6. NO TV DURING DINNER! Or any meal for that matter. I've found that you get easily distracted with TV, and then you're not focusing on eating/making sure you're full. You start getting entertained, then you get into movie-theatre mode and start eating without thinking... and soon you ate twice as much as you would have if you had just been by yourself in a quiet room with no windows.

Foods I've been staying away from: Ice Cream, Any kind of soda [but I don't really drink soda to begin with anyway], fried stuff, BEEF, cake & other oven baked pastries, milk.

Things that I've been doing instead: sherbert & sorbet or even a bowl of cereal if I want something cold and junky, iced teas & mineral water if I want something that's got carbonation like a soda, grilled or boiled stuff instead of fried, turkey & chicken instead of beef, 100 calorie packs of stuff and/or low calorie packages of sweet stuff that has a serving size of more than 1 piece, but eat only one piece at a time and not the actual # of pieces required to make a serving. And the milk? Wow.... its been almost a whole year I think that I haven't had milk. I'm not dodging dairy altogether, just the milk. There's this fantastic thing called Almond Milk. I swear it tastes just like regular milk... or at least its how I think regular milk tastes. If anything its closer to lowfat/skim milk, but if you're using it for cereal you're totally not going to notice.

I think the biggest thing in all of this is the exercise, as it plays the biggest role. But as I documented before, even without a gym you can lose weight. [crazy hourly eating.]

The final tip I shall leave you with is for the exercise - stick with it. It doesnt have to be 5 hours a day.... but stay on schedule and keep doing the same thing every day, as long as you're getting at least 5 minutes in. Its better than nothing, and consistency will pay off.

I am happy to report that so far.... I've lost one whole pants size! WOO! I dont know how much weight I've actually lost, but I'm in it for the inches. :D

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Gotta get the car repaired in the morning, and then deal with crazy people at work.

I havent posted a fortune lately. Sorry about that... I'll try to pick a good one for ya:

OWN A CLEVER GOAT BY ALL MEANS, BUT MAKE SURE YOU CAN OUTWIT IT.

WTF is the matter with America???

Why is it that I can go to a restaurant, and people who have been waiting longer than me will have to wait longer still... just because the waiter/waitress takes favoritism to me because they think we have something in common? [e.g. race/ability to speak their language]

Likewise, why does that work in reverse? (Even if we're seated at the same friggin table on the same ticket!!)

Why is it that mechanics assume that girls should be toyed with and charged more money for routine repairs and/or something as simple as an oil change? Why is it that it takes my mom twice as long to get the same oil change as my stepdad?

Where in the hell did 'all men are created equal' go??

Why is everything so darn black and white? Why must we all have this 'you're either for us or against us' attitude?

Why is good service and kindness reserved only for those we want to impress? Or those who we think will pay out better, or are pleasing to the eye?

Screw that!

No one is higher or better or lower or any less or more deserving.

Singling out someone for better or worse reasons, is uncool

Making uninformed decisions and attaching labels is uncool

Telling me that something is 'not acceptable to society' means its 'wrong', when really its just your fear of the unknown and lack of knowledge that teaches you such judgmental thoughts, is uncool

People of America........... don't be uncool

Don't be stupid

We're fighting wars in other countries and each struggling with economic times.

Why the heck would you start battlefields with your allys here at home?

Greetings, updates, etc...

Lance Armstrong has reported that his bike has been recovered, and is in tact/good shape for his Friday time trial ride! Hooray!!

I was on a roll, writing at least every other day... but as usual, life caught up with me. Its always so hard to be one step ahead on life, haha.

So let me give it another shot....

I've been surrounded lately by reminders of time. I remember first starting my job, days after I had just attended my grandfather's funeral, and I was so angry with my coworkers watching the clock, complaining that five minutes, ten minutes, it was not fast enough.... too long, they said. They couldn't wait for that clock to tic to the right beat so they could be the first one out the door.

I sat there in my cube chair, boiling on the inside because they didn't get it... I would give up everything I had in the world, if I could only have five more minutes with him.... even 30 seconds.

Here lately, I've been seeing him a lot in my dreams.

Just a couple of nights ago, I was standing next to him at a gate/doorway... it wasn't really a gate, but it was definitely an entranceway. And I asked him if this was real, was he really here? He said yes.... but he had to go now. He started walking through the entranceway, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Please, just a little more time. I need to say I'm sorry..."

Why are you sorry? he said.

"Because I took you for granted. Because I didn't tell you I loved you enough. Because I didn't know that my days... minutes... seconds with you were numbered. Because I didn't get to say goodbye."

He kept trying to walk through that entrance way, but I just held onto him, crying, saying it over and over again.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

He finally looked me in the eyes and said it was okay. He didn't want me to be sad because he wasn't sad... and there was no such thing as sadness or tears where he was going. He said he vaguely remembered that emotion when he was alive, but where he was going now, it didn't exist because everyone was happy...

He said not to apologize, because there was nothing to apologize for. He said he knew I loved him because I told him everytime I did see him. He said I could talk to him any time I wanted if I had more to say...

And he said not to say goodbye. I would see him in just a matter of minutes because time, where he was now, is different.

"But I don't want you to go... I miss you, and I love you," I said to him, still holding onto his hand so he wouldn't leave me.

He said he loved me too, and that didn't change just because he was going somewhere else..

'I'm not going anywhere you can't follow,' he said. 'You'll see me in just a little while....'

Then he pointed to the inside of the entranceway and said, 'They're waiting for me.'

And there, all standing anxiously in a crowded line/group, as if they were waiting to get the first glimpse of a rockstar as he made his first public appearance, were all my family.... my aunt, my grandma, my great grandma, people that I somehow recognized as family even though I never met them because I hadn't been born yet...

All of my family that had passed away.

They were waiting there to greet him.

So I let go of his hand. He smiled his unforgettable gigantic smile at the sight of seeing them all, and he turned to look at me once more.

'We'll be waiting for you too, when you get here. A thousand years will pass on Earth before a day passes here, so I'll see you very soon'

I watched him walk through the entranceway, and I saw him greet everyone waiting for him. He was smiling, laughing, hugging people that he hadn't seen in so long...

And the dream ended.

The next day when I went to pick up mom from work, she brought me in and showed me a letter that was left behind at her job in the mailbox with no postage. For hours she kept reminding everyone that there was no postage, do we 'return to sender' or just put a company stamp on it?

At the end of the day, when the letter was still there, she decided to stop waiting for someone to do something about such a trivial thing - she'd just go to the stamp drawer and put one on herself.

The letter was addressed to him.

Not his 'actual' address, but someone with his very name, written in his handwriting.

Then as I grabbed the bible that night [one I got from the library actually - it looked cool. A 'chronological order' bible rather than a standard bible] to read before bed, I dropped it....

it opened up to Psalm 90, and this was highlited: So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom

I thought maybe it was another Godly reminder of time, reminding me not to take things for granted... I didn't immediately notice the non highlited portion in that same chapter...A thousand years in your sight are but as a day when it passes

It was just like Grandpa said in the dream.

I had some great meaning in telling you guys all of this... but it has suddenly faded from my mind. So instead here's some words of wisdom from 'George Lass' [aka Ellen Muth] from Dead Like Me - The Movie.

Everybody dies... but until you die, you still have a lot to do. Be adventurous, but not reckless. Fall in love [but not with some loser]. Stay in school, have a great career. Get married, have a lot of kids, come 90 years old and be a crazy old lady and scare the crap out of kids on halloween. Don't keep secrets.

When I was a little girl, I thought there was a clock in my heart that had these little hands... I wish someone had told me how easily those hands would be broken... how quick that clock would stop. I wouldn't have pretended I was invisible. I would have paid more attention to people... to time. I would have paid more attention to everything.

Don't fear tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after.... because the future is built on tomorrow. One day you may find yourself so far in the future that there's not enough tomorrow's left anymore.

Anyhow, on a lighter note, see that link I have over on the right that says "One Minute Writer"? I totally won the Writing of the Day! Yay!! Go check out what I wrote, or just go check out One Minute Writer and spend one minute everyday doing something productive - Writing! :)

With that being said, I'm outta here. I took the day off tomorrow so I need to sleep enough to be productive all day and get my last minute planning done without the aid of caffeine.

Okay maybe I can have some tazo green tea from starbucks.... mmmmmmmmmmm.....

APB - Lance Armstrong's Stolen Bike!

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=51527107730

Help find Lance Armstrong's Stolen Bike!

No joke, by the way.... Lance Armstrong is on Twitter

Repost, retweet, do whatever it is you do to get a message out there.

Happy Valentine's Day

Or, if you're like most single people out there, Happy Single's Awareness Day!

Me.... yes I'm single. But I'm not letting it get to me. I saw a cool concert, I got free chocolate at work [even though it wasn't *just* for me - it was 'something for the whole class' so I got included, hahaha], and quite frankly, I was up way too late last night to feel like I got any sleep. I might start dragging and yawning if I had a date tonight. LOL

So..... youtube has a billion videos up today about Valentine's Day and how to mess it up/how not to mess it up. The TV has a hundred thousand billion commercials, hidden advertisements, etc on a 'last minute gift' because they know you still forgot to get a gift today. Billboards and newspapers are all colored red and pink with hearts and other 'mushy' blah blah blah

Now, if you've got someone to share today with, its fun to have a set date on the calendar to look forward to something and plan some special time together.

But when I was dating, the best 'valentine's day' was the one that wasn't marked on the calendar. It was the days that he remembered me when it wasn't a 'holiday.' The element of surprise! The random act of kindness when its NOT planned - that's what should be considered special, not some landmark date every year that makes men out to be the bad guy if they don't remember that being a nice guy counts on this one day out of the year.

So I'm not going to be all beat up and sad over not sharing it with anyone. If anything, I've been single for a while now, I've had plenty of time to beat myself up over it [e.g. when I sign for the various flowers/gift baskets/etc at work that OTHER people are receiving!! LOL]. Why spoil a perfectly good day with woe-is-me and boo-hoo that I didn't get anything. That's what Mondays are for! [haha kidding]

Anyhow... no big deal. :)

Plus, when I find Mr. Right, he's probably going to forget about Valentine's Day anyway. Which will be absolutely fine with me, because he'll remember me on other random days that won't be marked on the calendar, just because he's going to be awesome like that.

So my advice to everyone today is this: Don't try and find fault or disappointment in your special someone, and don't be upset if you don't have a special person to share today with. Appreciate every breath and moment that you have in the presence of whoever it is that you'll be spending today with. Friends, family, husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Be happy, and pretend its not even valentine's day.

Because... there's plenty of people out there today that won't be celebrating. A spouse may have finally lost a battle with a disease, someone headed home to spend the holiday with family may have not made it to the scheduled destination and instead went on an unscheduled trip to Heaven, or the flowers being purchased today may be delivered to someone's headstone rather than their hands.

Time is too short to count faults and disappointments, and its simply a waste to stare at others being happy while comparing it to your own unhappiness. Take hold of the steering wheel that directs your life, and go make your own happiness today without the stress of some silly greeting card holiday.

Be thankful, and be satisfied.

And pray for those who got that taken away from them because of a tragedy or other unforeseen circumstances.

I'm getting good at this 'staying connected' thing...

Or I'm kidding myself into thinking I am.

I'm actually quite paranoid. I'm trying to master 'the facebook', and totally freaked out when I started getting instant messages from one of my friends. Now I'm terrified to log in because it takes me FOREVER to figure out how to maneuver in there, and I don't want to look like one of those people that's on facebook 24-7. I'm not logged in there for long periods of time playing the games or watching the statistics and waiting for someone to come online.

No no, I'm just logged in for stupidly long amounts of time because I can't figure out how to get to what I want.

I got an email saying that I was 'tagged' in a survey, so I logged in and ta-dah! There's a button that says [Friend] wants you to take an interview!

So I did, and talked to said friend later. Apparently that wasn't the 'tag' that I received. I think I'm supposed to repost that to my own facebook and then re-answer the questions?

Huh??

Its so confusing!!

And now, its promo time!

Go check out live chat with 'supricky06' (whose real name is actually Chris) on Tuesday at 5pm 'West Coast' time which equals 7pm for my fellow Texans, and 8pm for the East coast.

You might remember him from my Happy Holidays post with what is now my profile picture. Fun guy to talk to! Go follow his twitter and his youtube channel.

I'll remind you guys again on my own twitter on Tuesday.

/End promo time

Off to work on core workouts then probably go to bed. Got an early start in the morning in the gym!!

Fortune for today is:

HE WHO SINGS FRIGHTENS AWAY HIS ILLS

Where's John Quinones when you need him??

I have one tiny frustration to vent today.

A friend & I went to a birthday party last night at a bar/restaurant that's kind of got a family environment to it. There was some idiot at the bar portion obviously drunk... and he was holding his extremely young child.

Then... he dropped the kid, smack on the floor.

And the bartender served him another drink as he picked up the crying baby off the floor.

The friends in my group went over next to him to snoop and order a drink while really being nosey. They overheard the guy telling the kid who is was obviously too small to understand, "You shouldn't have been moving around so much"

WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!? How about, "Hey your drunken poor excuse of a parent shouldn't be drinking alcohol while holding a child! Let me go give you a motivational smack to teach you a lesson"

Stupid people.... seriously.

To Someone I Used To Know...

I'm sorry.

You were right.

You were always right.

I should have listened to you... but I didn't. I was horribly wrong. I was blinded when you tried to show me what was right, but I didn't listen... and I suffer for it daily.

Words are simply words, and actions speak the loudest. The great pain that I live with everyday as a result of mine is something I deserve, and when push comes to shove, 'sorry' is meaningless.

But... it is all I have to give.

I'm not asking for forgiveness, nor do I expect or want anything that I know I cannot have.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I've encountered so many things in my life this far, and try my hardest to ensure that I never use the word "regret" with anything I do.

What happened between us though... that is the one thing that I truly and deeply regret. No amount of apologies can fix it, and what's done is done. I've thought of you so much... but time has passed, our lives had carried on, and its too late.

If you're out there still.... I owe you an apology. I owe you so much more... I hate myself for taking away the time we could have shared. Every mistake that I've made does not measure up to the regret that I feel when I remember what we were... and wonder what our friendship could have still been today.

I hope that you've been well.

I miss you.

And I'm sorry.

Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo! Echo!

Woooo..... no blog update in a while. Sorry

Nothing new to report or rant about. Actually that's not entirely true..... but I'm keeping it to myself until the website goes live. :)

I'm not really feeling 'bloggy' today. But I forgot that I still had the breast cancer layout up and needed to post something so I could update the layout back to the 'new' layout.

I did learn a cool new terminology/phrase/whatever at work today. So I shall share that with you.

"Motivational Slap"
MO - TI - VA - TION - AL (moe-tuh-vay-shun-el) SLAP (slap)
-verb (adverb: slapping)
Similar to slap, in that you swing your hand with great strength to make contact with a person or object in an extremely forecful manner that causes the said person or object to suffer pain as-well-as/and/or/may cause unwilling [and in most cases unexpected] movement from a [most likely] stationary position (e.g. falling, tripping, head spinning). The only difference is that the motivational slap is used **at the exact moment** when the said object of the slap is doing something you want them to NEVER DO AGAIN - thus motivating them to always be on your good side.

Reference - Cool guy at work that I sit next to who taught me that I was incorrectly pronouncing the following words:

punch
hit
bash
slug
knock
smack
beat
swat
thrash
strike
pound
sock
clobber
whack
pelt

'Motivational Slap' is the proper pronunciation

No fortune needed today if I'm teaching you new vocabulary words. :D